One of the commonest problems I come across is managers and team leaders struggling to tackle a difficult conversation that they have to have with a colleague or member of staff. What scares most people are the ‘feelings’ and ‘emotions’ that might come up from the colleague in the meeting and how to handle them. I know how hard it can be to face these situations as a manager, especially if you don’t know what‘s behind it. There are ways to think about this though so that you come across well and get the solution you want. When the

emotion rears its head in the meeting whether it be anger/tears/frustration or any number of different behaviours, managers often say ‘I didn’t want to go there because I was worried about the can of worms I would open up.’

 

It’s what can be referred to as a ‘go to’ moment. Go to the emotion. In the opening of the can of worms lies the solution. One simple way in here is to use a phrase like ‘I can see that you are upset/uncomfortable with this.’ In one phrase the situation has been acknowledged. You’ve opened that can of worms. That is often the scariest part, but as important you have shown empathy. In order to avoid the awkward emotional situation, managers sometimes skirt around it and then rush headlong for the solution without acknowledging the emotion.

 

You can be in danger then of coming across as having not listened and understood how your colleague is feeling and just being intent on solving the problem. Remember - empathy (the ability to show that you understand how the other person is feeling) leads to trust

which means you can move on to talking about action and resolution.

 

There is a whole range of techniques that can make presenting easier on your nerves

.(Unless you are one of the lucky few who suffer none.) One thing to consider is not to get hung up on audience reactions too much. While they are clues as to what your audience is feeling, it is not necessarily all about reactions they are having to what you’re presenting. The key is to not let it affect you adversely. Worry can start up followed by dry mouth, wobbly knees, shaky hands then your audience have got something to pick up upon relating to how you’re coming across. The fact is that, for example, an audience shuffling about could just be that they are too warm. It’s worth assessing the temperature of the room and how warm it may be when filled with people if you have the chance to do so before you start. While it is important to be aware of how your audience is reacting to remember – your audience has come to hear you tell them something. They’re not willing you on to fail. After all, it’s not stand-up comedy. You shouldn’t expect to heckle. (Unless you’re at a political Party conference of course.) One more tip. I gave a presentation once where a man in front of me spent the whole time shuffling about, checking his mobile, turning away and huffing loudly. I paid a lot of attention to him, largely ignoring all the others who were listening. At the break, he sidled over to me. I was expecting some sarcastic sideswipe about my presentation only to have him apologise. He was sorry that he had missed all of what I had been saying. His wife had been at a house auction and he had been checking its progress, worried all the time that she would go over their agreed budget.

 

People sometimes fear that if they don’t immediately offer an answer to a question, it will appear as if they don’t know it or they will appear as if they haven’t properly prepared. This attitude can be aggravated by nerves. If a lot hangs on the meeting or you are handling some emotion in the meeting, you may already feel under pressure. If your brain takes a moment to handle the situation, then let it have a moment. This is the idea of the ‘beat’. It’s a moment, a breath, a pause. Your answer will be better prepared for it. It doesn’t mean that you have to close your eyes and meditate for half an

hour. It’s all so that you don’t start off answering in a blur of ideas. A friend of mine pointed up this issue a while back when she said that she would

often be in a meeting where she felt that she had to know the answer to every question asked.

Now there is a difference between being well

prepared and expecting perfectionism of yourself. The fear of not knowing something would mean that she would often gabble out an answer quickly to every question without really giving time to assess the question and answer sensibly. Sometimes it is good to mirror someone else’s behaviour to build up a rapport. It says ‘I’m like you.’

 

However, in this instance, an insistent or edgy client or colleague isn’t necessarily best served by you matching that behaviour, particularly if it destabilises your natural approach.